♪ I’m just a girl who can’t say no
I’m in a terrible fix.
I always say “come on, let’s go”
Just when I ought to say nix! ♪
Oh! Sorry about that. I got distracted.
In September 2003 I was loading my car with boxes because I was moving the next day. I stepped off of a curb and rolled my ankle and thought “Wow, that hurt. I should be more careful.” When I brought down the next box, I stepped off the curb, rolled my ankle and this time I felt a pop. The box and I came crashing to the asphalt. 2 doctor visits later (because the first doctor gave me ZERO confidence) I got crutches, a walking cast, and a severely sprained ankle.
Fast forward to Sunday night. At about 7:00 I was coming downstairs with a large laundry basket. My foot slipped on a step near the top and the laundry and I came tumbling down the rest of the stairs. On the way down I felt my ankle twist and pop. I knew instantly that I had sprained it again.
I made the decision not to go to the emergency room. If it really was a sprain, there wouldn’t be much that they could do for me. I decided to wait it out and try to get into the doctor as early as I could on Monday. Thankfully I still had my crutches from the last time.
Luckily my doctor didn’t insist on seeing me and gave me a referral to an orthopedic specialist. And, even more luckily, the specialist was able to see me Monday morning. Kenny drove me since, oh yeah, it’s my right ankle.
I was right. No broken bones. Just a really nasty sprain again. She didn’t want to put me in a walking cast. She put me in a lace-up corset type ankle brace (it’s not as sexy as it sounds) and told me to “do what the pain tells you”. If I need to rest, rest. If I feel like I can put some weight on it, put some weight on it. But not to rush it. The healing process would take three to six months.
The laces are tucked away under giant Velcro straps.
I stayed home the rest of Monday and all of Tuesday but yesterday I decided to go back to work. There were a handful of things that I needed to get accomplished before a deadline passed.
In the movie 28 Days, Sandra Bullock plays an alcoholic named Gwen who is given the choice of rehab or jail. In an effort to avoid jail, she reluctantly chooses rehab. The rehab program involves therapy sessions in which the patients are supposed to re-examine their lives. During the therapy, if a patient refuses to acknowledge a problem, the therapist creates a large sign and makes the patient wear it around their neck. Gwen’s neck sign said “Confront me if I don’t ask for help.”
Back to yesterday. I have control issues. I also pride myself on being independent. So I have a LOT of trouble asking for help. See where I’m going here? If I can’t justify the need for help in my head, I don’t ask for it. And I take care of whatever I need myself.
So. Naturally, I insisted on going to the copier myself. It’s literally only about 10 feet from my desk. I can’t justify asking someone else to go for me when I’m so close. Hmm. If I can make it to and from the copier (many times), surely I can make it to the outbox to throw something in the mail. And if I can make it to the outbox, I can make it back to another division to drop something off. And if I can make it there… Well, you see where that went.
By 3:00 I was in a lot of pain. The swelling had increased to the point where I felt like was about to Hulk out of the brace. If I had heard roaring and ripping sounds coming from my ankle I would not have been surprised.
Except that my ankle isn't green. Yet. Maybe once the bruising fades.
At 3:30 my pain was at an 8 on that famous 1-10 scale. I knew that I needed to get home and get my foot up. My boss was in another office though and I didn’t want to leave without letting her know. (Although I’m sure if I had left her a note she would have been fine with it. But I couldn’t let myself just leave without talking to her first.)
I was able to track her down at 4:00. When I told her how much pain I was in, she gave me what I like to call a scary mom face. She promptly gave me a short, but very much to the point, lecture about how I shouldn’t have waited so long. I told her that I would probably need to stay home today and that I would come back to work on Friday to finish a few things up. I got the scary mom face again. She took the few things that I needed to do and said that they would be taken care of. She told me to log out, go home, and not come back until Monday.
And now today, thanks to pushing it way too far yesterday, I’m in a lot more pain than I think I should be in. *sigh* Lesson learned.
So if any of you see me being way too bullheaded, just stop me. “Confront me if I don’t ask for help.” And tell me to say no to myself.
Joy's World 